Mother's Day

Mother's Day was wonderful, and very hard, all at the same time.  My amazing husband bought me this swing for my porch (it looks great on him, doesn't it?), and I LOVE it - it's super comfortable and fun to read and relax in.  The kids love it too!  The kiddos gave me some petunia's in hanging baskets, and a heart necklace and pearl earrings.  My family spoiled me.  

The hard part was missing Tamara.  Knowing that part of our family was facing Mother's Day for the first time without their mommy.  Or wife.  Or daughter.  

I've started taking spin classes on Mon, Wed and Fri and Vinyasa Yoga classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  I've only been doing it for a few days, but I'm determined to stick with it.  It means waking up at 5 am (yuck) but it's the only way that I can fit it into the day.  Since my hysterectomy I've been struggling with depression and anxiety, and since Tamara it has been a LOT worse.  The doctor told me that working out for at least 45 minutes every day and changing my diet would work just like an anti-depressant.  And I can honestly say that after only three days I feel a million times better.  I know that this is only the beginning, and the results will be better the longer I stick with it.  I'm not there yet, but I feel strong enough to start taking those baby steps, and soon my steps will get bigger.  I know that I will still have bad days.  I know that my heart will ache for Tamara as I watch the kiddo's and the husband that she loved so dearly work their way through life without her.  And when I see my husband missing his big sister.  But there will be good days, too.  And we will laugh and love and live.  And cry.  And then laugh and love and live some more.

I've never gone through this before.  This journey is rough, and I'm not sure how to get through it.  I think that I'm probably messing up quite a bit.  But I keep walking, and moving, and alternately carrying others and letting them carry me.  Part of what makes this so hard is watching the people I love walk through this as well.  It's hard to hurt, but it's so much harder to watch my kids and nieces and nephew and husband hurt, too.  But we're all making it.  One day at a time.

Carlye in the Hospital

My little girl doesn't get sick very often, but in February she was VERY, VERY sick.  Carlye woke up on this particular Tuesday morning feeling sick to her stomach (she had diarrhea a couple of times after waking up) and asked me if she could take a bath.   I personally thought that she was just trying to get out of school again, but told her that it was fine.  About twenty minutes later she was yelling (very weakly, but still yelling) for me to come help her because she couldn't get out of the bath.  She couldn't stand, she couldn't do anything.  I picked her up, carried her into the living room and laid her on the couch.  I called the doctor while I was dressing her. He told me to get her to the ER as quickly as I could.  I called Carl, and started trying to carry my 'baby' to the car.  She had no strength whatsoever, and was losing the ability to even speak.  She had also started shaking uncontrollably for short bursts of time.  Carl pulled into the driveway right as I put her in the backseat (which took some work, let me tell you - she weighs almost as much as I do!, and together we drove her to Fredericksburg.  When we arrived in the ER and saw Carl carrying her in, they immediately brought us back.  Unfortunately, the room they tried to bring us to was the one that Tamara was in when Carl and Greg saw her for the last time, so Carl refused to put her down on that bed.  Once they understood why Carl wouldn't go into that room the nursing staff scrambled to find us another room.  As soon as we were settled they did all the things that they do at the hospital - hydrating her, pain pills, taking blood so that they can run tests.....and suddenly we realized that this was really serious.  The dr's were even concerned that her kidneys could be shutting down.  After a CT scan they came to the conclusion that it was an infection in her colon, but they didn't know what was causing it.  The ER doctor said that she was too sick for them to treat her here, so we had to bring her to a children's hospital in San Antonio.  It was hard, because the EMT's that were bringing us were the first responders to Tamara's car accident - and also the father of one of our son's friends at school.  When he saw her he teared up, and promised Carl that he would take good care of our girl.  I was able to ride in the ambulance with her and Carl headed home to talk to the boys about what was going on and pack some stuff.

 

When we arrived in SA the emergency room was a nightmare.  We were there for a few hours, and finally able to get a stool sample from Carlye, which they had been trying to get for several hours.  The horrible part was that I had to help her into the bathroom because she couldn't stand, and she started throwing up AT THE SAME TIME!!!!  I am ashamed to say that, as her mother, I failed miserably.  I was holding her up, but the aroma was more than I could handle and I actually let go of her and ran from the room screaming for Carl.  He ran in and grabbed her before she fell down.  It was a miracle that I didn't throw up in that bathroom, too!

Around 2 or 3 in the morning they moved us into a private room because Carlye was under contact precautions.  It took two days before she could even stand on her own.  She was doing better, but only because of the iv fluid's that she was on.  We were in the hospital for six days.  On the fifth day we finally found out that she had shigella.  Our doctor told us later that there was only a 1% chance that it could have been that, but that every other possibility would have been horrible - so we were very thankful.  It's taken weeks for her to begin feeling better, and the doctors told us that she won't be 100% back to herself before the end of April.  We have no idea where she caught it, but we are thankful for our beautiful miracle girl.  And that she is finally well.

Carlye painted a ceiling tile for her hospital room

Golden Retriever came to visit

Second day in the hospital with flowers and balloon from Uncle Greg and her cousins

Daddy cuddling with his girl

Visitors - Nathanael, Uncle Michael, Victoria and Boston (who was petrified to go near her because of all of the tubes in her arms)

Playing bananagrams (Thank you Julianna & Jared!!)

Going home!  She didn't realize how weak she was going to be, and had a VERY difficult time walking out of the hospital, but she was so happy to be out of the hospital that she didn't care at all.  Thank you so much to all of our friends and family who came to visit, called, and sent gifts to cheer her up while she was in the hospital.   You are all such a blessing and encouragement to our family, and we love you all dearly.

Easter

In our family it's a tradition for all of the cousins to get together on the Saturday before Easter to dye Easter eggs at Nani's house.  Here's a few pictures of yesterdays festivities:  Above is a pic of Nani with the eggs.  On the right is a close up of our eggs, we melted crayon shavings over the top of hot eggs, and they turned out really neat.

Going around the table, Cassie, Noah, Chloe (end of the table), Uncle Greg, Victoria, Colton and Boston (other end of the table in the booster seat)

Carlye and Nathanael

Sorry that Chloe was missing her shirt - it was solid white and the daddies solution was just to take it off.  Meanwhile, can you see what color all of her eggs are?  The green ones are Noah's.......

After dying eggs the kids lined up and were rubbing backs.... I think that Noah might be getting the raw end of the deal.

Here's a few pictures of Easter morning, and then the Easter egg hunt at Nani's house:

 

Carlye, Cassie, Victoria and Chloe - I feel the need to add that Carlye's dress really is longer, but that ridiculous elastic waist kept riding up as she was holding the little ones and moving around......

Boston, Colton, Noah and Nathanael

All of us are doing well considering what's happened.  Colton and Chloe have been in play therapy to help them deal with losing their mommy.  Chloe talks about the accident still, and therapy has given her a great place to do that.  Cassie is struggling with it, but receiving counseling as well.  It will be harder for her for a while.  Greg is amazing - he is dealing with this in such a heroic manner.  I've never seen anyone do so much to help his kids, and become who he needs to be for them right now.  I know that it is hard for him, but he keeps moving forward and I'm really impressed with that.

I'm really struggling with losing Tamara.  Mostly because I miss her, but I struggle with her kids not having their momma anymore.  I'm so thankful that we have amazing family, and we can encourage and love on each other when things are hard.  Two weeks after Tamara died, Carlye was in the hospital for a week with shigella.  Soon after that our close friend, Wally, passed away from colon cancer.  Then a few weeks after that Carl's mom ended up in the hospital with pneumonia - caused by a very rare bacteria that her doctor had to research after the lab results come in.  She's been home for almost 2 weeks now, and we are SO glad that she is getting better.  We have run the gauntlet, and now we are tired - and I am worn.  At this point when everything really is better, and life is settling down I find myself shutting down.  I think I need rest.  I think I may grieve differently than others, but I don't really know.  I've never dealt with a loss like this.  I have a plan to help, and I'm working on executing it, but I've found that I get busy and overwhelmed and then put off taking the time I need to work out or take care of myself.  A vicious cycle, and the only way to break it is to break it.  I've made great strides, but not enough for long enough to see a difference.  Here's to making a positive change, permanently!

Carl's Words

Carl spoke at Tamara's funeral service. This is what he said.

I’m so broken right now I can’t even think.  When my big sister left for college I cried for weeks because I missed her so much.  Now that my big sister has left for heaven I find myself wondering how I will ever stop crying because I miss her so much.  She was my best friend growing up.  We would play tennis every afternoon in our driveway and the neighbors driveway, using the street as our tennis net.  We would throw lawn darts straight up in the air and then run for our lives.  Tamara and I fought with the best of them, too.  She would run around in circles and chase me and attack me if I ever disagreed with her or made her mad.  But when I was scared she would tuck me in bed next to her and hold me close until I fell asleep.

Now, when my heart hurts, I feel just a little bit closer to her as I hold and love on her children.  I see so much of her in them.  She loved her kids with all the strength and passion that she had.  

If I could share one thing with everyone, it would be to love.  Don’t let the little things be so big - don’t even let the big thing be big.  Hug your loved ones - look them in the eyes every chance that you get and tell them that you love them.  Life is so short, and none of us are promised tomorrow.  I would give anything to tell Tamara how much she really meant to me.  And to keep telling her until I knew that she understood.  Take advantage of every opportunity you are given to love and forgive and love some more, so that you can live with no regrets.

Even though I ache so badly, I am peaceful as well.  I have no doubt that God is in control. I have no doubt that He is faithful to complete the good works that He has begun.  And I have no doubt about the fact that my sister is hand in hand with Jesus right now, joining that great cloud of witnesses that surround us on this earth.  I miss her so very much, and I always will, but I know that I will see her again and I am so thankful for the peace the Lord provides.

Carl said that he learned this from Popi.  Whenever Popi is with Carl he looks Carl in the eyes and tells him he loves him.  It has always meant so much to Carl.  Now he wants to make sure that whenever he leaves anyone that he looks them in the eyes and tells them how much he loves them.  It only takes a moment - and we have learned what we always knew, you never know when it will be the last one that you have with them.

Tamara

As so many of you know, I lost my big sister (in-law) last Tuesday.  I wanted to post her obituary here.

On January 28, 2014, our beloved Tamara Jeanette Pfiester Pate, 42 years old, of Kerrville, passed away in Fredericksburg, Texas.  She was born in Key West, Florida to Carlos & Patricia Pfiester on August 23, 1971.  On June 3, 2000 she married Greg Alan Pate in Fredericksburg, Texas.  Together, they have three beautiful children, Cassie Ryan Pate (10 years), Colton John Pate (7 years) and Chloe Sage Pate (3 years).

Tamara graduated from Tivy High School in 1989.  After attending San Angelo State University she worked in several management positions.  For the last 10 years she has been employed by Starbucks, and served as the manager here in Kerrville.  Her vivacious energy and love of life will be remembered by all.  The passionate love that she had for her family was felt by everyone that she knew.  She was an adoring mother, loving wife and beloved sister and daughter.  Tamara lived her life to the fullest with enviable strength and joy, and with a love for others that surpassed understanding.  She touched and inspired the lives of all who knew her with her love for God, passion for her family, and her own brand of sarcastic, witty humor - a rare combination united beautifully in this strong, amazing, woman of God.  She leaves behind a legacy of love and warmth, leaving all of us endeavoring to love as big and as well as she so effortlessly did.

Tamara is survived by her husband, Greg Alan Pate; her children, Cassie Pate, Colton Pate and Chloe Pate; her brother Carl Pfiester and sisters Tiffany Pfiester Way and Ashley Pfiester Causey; her parents, Carlos Edwin Pfiester and Patricia Peters Pfiester, her great-grandmother, Irene Pearson as well as many cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews.

Funeral services will be held at Calvary Temple Church on Saturday, February 1, 2014 at 2 p.m.

Pallbearers will be Michael Peters, Marcus Bigott, Daniel Bigott, Bobby Pfiester, David Carpenter and Kevin Bernhard.

Memorials may be given to the Tamara Pfiester Pate Memorial Fund at Wells Fargo Bank in Kerrville, Texas.